Tuesday, September 11, 2012


Today, I made bread.

I understand that on the grand scale of important things people do, bread is down there with like, drinking water.

Although bread has recently enjoyed a comeback in the popular mind due to Peeta, AKA THE BOY WITH THE BREAD, for the most part, it is a No. 1 on the scale of awesome things to bake. With my Reese's cake being at like, a No. 7. So 10 is the best. Okay you've got it.
So, despite the fact that bread is not that big a deal, this was a huge success for me, especially since my father makes an amazing french baguette and sour dough, so I had the expectations of the family on my shoulders as well.
But I'll be honest here, there were several times when I didn't think it was going to work out. Give me a batter, some chocolate chips and some butter and we are good to go. But dough? Yeast? Foreign tools my friends.

The going, at times, was rough.

When I didn't have a dough attachment for my Kitchen Aid mixer, for example. Or a Kitchen Aid mixer, for that matter.

I had to do it pioneer style with a wooden spoon (which I got a set of five for for a DOLLA at Doller Tree. Yah. Still reeling from that bargin).

Which let me just take a second to vent about the lady in this video, who says, "Attach the dough-metal thingy to your Kitchen Aid mixer and turn on" like everyone has one just waiting on the counter.

FIRST of all, the KA standing mixer is coveted by every baker, ever. And actually a lot of other people who don't bake. They just want to be able to put it on their counter to gesture to, nonchalantly, when company is over and say, oh, that ole thing? And maybe throw some dough in there for a demonstration.

ALSO, they are FREAKING expensive. Close to $400. For a mixer. So, sorry Allrecipes, where I am for FREE recipes, I don't just have state-of-the-art mixing technology at my fingertips.

So I had to Laura Ingalls the first two steps, upper-body strength style, and imitate what I hoped was what a dough-extension would do.

Which, as you can imagine, left lumps and something to be desired.

The second complication arose when my first ball of dough (making bread has more phases than the moon, each with its own rigorous rising schedule) looked like a brain. I re-watched the video. No brain.  But that is okay, because whatever, I thought. I am throwing it in the oven, brain-resemblance or otherwise. Thankfully, the brains disappeared after BREAD PHASE 3.0 and only slightly resembled it when I began to roll out the second ball of dough (BREAD PHASE 5.0), but was squashed by my rolling pin, AKA a bottle of red wine. Yes, I know, but you use what you have, right?

ANYWAY, the result was crusty and delicious (although a slight sprinkle of salt was needed) and K and I devoured it. K probably because I was literally baking bread for 3 hours, and it was 9 O'clock.

Bread, GLORIOUS bread. Okay, I'm done now. Here is the recipe if you are so inclined to try it yourself : )



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